Greetings friends! I know you have been waiting for it for some time, painstakingly checking this blog to see when, oh Lord, WHEN will they post the official Ahlblog presidential election endorsement?! As you know, since you are reading this, there are literally hundreds of thousands of undecided voters in the country presently hemming and hawing over who it is they will actually vote for in 2012. Naturally, one look at the webhit stats of this fine website proves that most of those people regularly visit this blog regardless of the fact that there has been barely 9 posts in over the course of this heated, election year. Worry no more, undecided voter! I have made your decision for you!
But first, let's take a time consuming, pointless look back...As nearly all readers will remember, this blog officially endorsed Barack Obama back in 2008. You might also remember that I was quite excited about Obama and his prospects for victory and potential for change where I made many a proclamation and somewhat accurately predicted that Republicans would likely have conspiracy kittens should Obama win. Win he did, conspiracy kittens were had, raised, released, slaughtered and then reborn to be insane conspiracies anew. IF Obama wins this time I simply cannot imagine what the right will do this time. And that is saying a lot as I constantly think I have seen it all with those people and their crackpot, conspiratorial paranoia. I am still a little amazed that they have let Mitt Romney get this far!
Part of me still believes, though it'll be close, Obama is going to pull it out again. Which is why this stupid blog officially endorses Jill Stein! I said last time that we all really needed to get on board with Obama last time around and that we can all vote independent next time! Welp, it's next time and gawd dammit this country needs a third party to be taken seriously. She gets 5% she won't get arrested outside of a debate in 2016. Long shot? You bet! Ridiculous waste of a vote? Perhaps. Steals votes away from Obama? Not in Illinois! Likelihood that a viable third party would ever broach a national presidential election in any meaningful way below zero? Yeah, mos def. You're full of shit, you'll probably vote Obama anyway, right? Probably. Your blog sucks! Indeed it does...Big donkey dick...
Speaking of sucking! This year we have TWO endorsements further muddying the waters of any sort of nominal "credibility:"
By Hamster Running on the Server Wheel
The more I keep trying to break away from this stink-blog the more it keeps pulling me back in. Well, that and the fact that these days I am called upon to contribute once or twice a year that it really isn't so much a burden as an opportunity to stick a proverbial hot poker into the blank eye of whatever clueless liberal that might happen to click along here. So, a hearty FUCK YOU to you too! I think it's safe to say you already know who I am endorsing for president, in fact, have my early vote already pre-cast for our next President...
President Mitt Romney!
Naturally, this comes as no surprise as I have been supporting him unwaveringly since, oh, 2005. He has the business experience to get this country back on track, get me a new job and a tax break waiting for me when I get rich doing said new job. I am so sure that President-Elect Romney has this election in the bag that I have made a wager with Ahlblogger that when he does win I get to take over this blog. As it happens, I lost my job and one of the reasons Ahlblogger is always crying about never posting is because he is actually employed full-time. I know! It amazes and saddens me every day that some lazy, shiftless liberal suck off like him gets to keep a job while a hard working, real American is shafted by the system...A system corrupted by Barack Obama no doubt...and is forced out of work because the economy remains IN THE SHITTER with no hope of recovery until January 20th, 2013. I believe Mitt will get me a job no later than January 21st as he personally promised me he would.
So, when President Elect Romney makes it official (liberals don't forget to cast your meaningless, losing ballots for Obama on November 7th!) come back here for a visit and, liberals, be prepared for a heaping dose of truth, justice and blog about the real American way. Uuuuu Ssssss Aaaaaa!!! Ahlblogger is going to be fired from his own blog and the Hamster will set you straight! Eat it liberals!
