As of February 1, 2011 this blog will be temporarily closed due to the possibility of extreme snow expected in the blog author's region. This blog will also be closed on February 2, 2011 and please check online at this blog to see if it will be open on or shortly after February 3, 2011.
Should this blog not re-open at a time convenient for you please consider the rest of the internet for other random, angry, poorly written essays posted on such an occasional basis that it really does not merit checking anyways. You also may want to explore ways to improve your grammar and avoid badly structured run-on sentences.
You may also enjoy this post written on and for the Facebook.com online website for networking socially:
In these dark times of impending doom by blizzard I thought it pertinent to share with you some of my hardy, Midwestern, snow survival know-how!
1. Blizzards like this, and heavy snow in general, really only happen occasionally and while it does statistically occur roughly with in the same time frame annually it is better to act surprised upon reading the forecast. Point it out loudly around your home and office and utilize today's technology by having the interactive weather map up on your computer, tune all home or office televisions to 24 hours news and weather channels, also turn on any radios if you still have them.
2. PANIC! " They" usually say remaining calm is ideal but that is actually incorrect; screaming, carrying on and perhaps running around aimlessly while waving you arms in the air is a good way to expend all the tension and excess energy you have worked up worrying about the snow. So, by all means panic! Scream obscenities out of your windows, start a fire in an alley, loot somewhere close by.
3. If you are at work gin up your co-workers with nearly incoherent rants about how you heard there are already people dead in the area, or that you saw ten cars in ditches on the way in this morning. You should also quote statistics that you, "saw on the internet" that make little sense but sound awful frightening such as, "I read on weather.org that statistically 100 to 500 people will definitely die in this storm...WHAT IF IT'S YOU!?!?"
4. After you have screamed yourself hoarse collect as many batteries, loaves of bread and containers of milk as possible and hide with them beneath a table in a central location. When other people are near be sure to whimper often and slap their hands away from you should they attempt to take away your milk, bread or batteries.
5. If you have not hoarded appropriate, or any, amounts of bread, milk and batteries now is the time to show up at your local grocery store, Target, Walgreen's, or Wal-Mart and attempt to purchase as many of these items as your credit limit will allow. If these stores are already out of said items then you may destroy the store in a panic and loot whatever items they have left. You can also start a fire in the store as it will definitely help conditions improve.
6. If you are home, have ample bread, milk and batteries then for gawd-sakes WEAR YOUR SNUGGIE this is what they made them for.
IF YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE
1. Please dress warmly, you should at minimum wear a hooded sweatshirt and track pants and your ipod ear buds will keep your head warm.
2. You might consider wearing socks with your flip-flops.
3. Do not expend excess energy clearing snow off of your car, as you will need that energy for panicking later, just clear a small space on your front windshield where your eyes are and a small space in your rear windshield for your rear-view mirror.
4. Once driving you will need to drive as fast as possible so that you can have the wind blow the rest of the snow off of your car and so that you can best break through snow and ice in your path.
5. Remember only YOU matter when driving in these conditions! Be sure to drive at high speeds, tailgate as close as possible, pass people on the shoulder, cut off slow drivers, make sudden stops and un-signaled turns into oncoming traffic whenever possible so as to keep other drivers aware and "on their toes" as they need to be paying attention.
6. Hitting other cars is also helpful for removing excess snow from your vehicle!
7. Leave a window open in your vehicle so that others have a good chance of hearing you scream profanities and generally panicking while driving.
8. If you are walking; be sure to walk IN the road as sidewalks will not be clear enough. Wear clothing that will blend in well with your surroundings. Bolt into traffic suddenly if you need to cross the street, preferably, against a green light or in the middle of a block if possible.
I hope that these tips help keep you be as prepared as possible!
HAPPY BLIZZARD EVERYBODY!!!
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