Happy new year!
Everything is SO different now that it is finally 2009. *pause to take it all in*
So, had a half and half holiday vacation as the entire first week was used up on weather related trauma as my freaking car was stuck in the snow from the Friday I got home from work all the way until Saturday after Jeesus B-Day. Which was fun because, in addition, it was like 5 below most of the week and I had put off groceries, laundry, Holiday stuff all until I got off of work. I live near many a store so it shouldn't have been that bad but walking around in below zero weather and trying to buy groceries in small piles, a little at a time, and trying to carry that shit over ice and tundra kind of sucked. Exhausting in fact, each day I would go out and try and move my car, dig, push, rev engine fruitlessly and it would not fucking budge. Essentially, the small snow drift I parked in got plowed up a little and then froze in such a way that the car was lifted off the ground as if it were on blocks. ON the 24th I made it my focus to get the fucker out as it had warmed up a little and I was sure I would get it out and dug and dug (with my boots, no shovel) and pushed and bitched and moaned and made zero progress and I was PISSED!!! So, that was Christmas.
The next week, once the temp. suddenly rose to the low 60's and the car was freed, I crammed the whole two week vacation into one week which was kind of nice. Spent the New years with HS friends, saw the north side friends, south side friends, went to the field museum, saw a local hockey game, got the laundry done and I bought myself a freaking treat. The treat being one of those fancy-schmancy HD flat screens with a blu-ray player. Thus I have entered the modern age of televised distraction...in HD! It's nice, my XBOX 360 now regularly causes me to shit my pants as gaming in HD is a whole new experience. LOVE IT.
So, last night I was flipping channels on my in-house movie screen and landed on the "history" channel. Have you watched anything on there recently? Remember how it used to be the WWII/Hitler channel? Now-a-days, in between the Hitler shows, they are now the ARMAGEDDON CHANNEL!!! Every single show I see on that channel whether it be about Dinosaurs or The Universe always somehow has a segment about the eventual destruction of the earth/extinction of mankind. And it's HILARIOUS! I swear the "history" channel programming meetings really must be something to behold...Those fuckers are absolutely obsessed with the end of the world. And you know what? The end is imminent! How do I know? Because it is motherfucking Armageddon week on the "history" channel!?!? Not only is the end imminent it has a precise date (this apparently according to the Mayan Calendar, the I Ching, Merlin, The Hopi Indians, Mother Sheppard, Nostradamus, and this Internet program called the "web.bots") so get your shit together people because we are ALL GOING TO DIE ON DECEMBER 21, 2012!?!?!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
*runs back and forth in front of computer, flailing arms and screaming for 20 minutes*
Don't believe it? Well, there's even a Roland Emmerich movie coming out this year about it! It HAS to be true and I don't need to think about it at all or apply an sense of logic because it has happened before?!?! Remember the dinosaurs? They were fucking WIPED OUT by Armageddons! when someone tells me what the Mayan Calendar says then I just take it at face value because it's REAL! Forget the notion that it, and basically every "prophet" in "history" who have made "predictions" always seem to be incredibly vague and then later shown to be correct in hindsight...You know, just like your daily horoscope can seem like it is relevant because really you can interpret whatever the fuck it, they, psychic hot line says to mean whatever the fuck you want it to mean and so on.
What this stuff really has sparked in my curiosity is that I feel this "prediction" stuff is part of one of our most unique traits as a species and that is our incredible ability to tell stories. In fact, and I have not fully thought all of this through yet, from one point of view it is almost all we, as a collective species, are good at (outside of over populating (fucking) and excessively wasting resources (piling up garbage) while we scourge the planet like an infestation, but that's a different post) is telling stories. We have so many ways we do this as our brains are wired to relate to tales, be it religious metaphor, anecdotes, and especially entertainment. We just love our shadows on the wall! Think about it; almost every art form be it music, painting, theater or film/TV all of it exist to convey information, to understand, to tell a narrative, convey a feeling, in essence to communicate thoughts to another via paper, oral tradition or visually and this prophetic shit is no different.
This kind of story is one of the rock solid tenets of story telling and helps explain how some of this stuff sort of maintains itself over time. This is the stuff Star Wars was made of as Lucas was all ga-ga over Joseph Campbell and his various thesis revolving around myth. The conventions of story telling demonstrated in Star Wars are common in almost any kind of narrative tale in existence and go all the way back to, at least, Greek times (Aristotle's "Poetics") and before that in Egyptian hieroglyphics and cave paintings of early man. All exist to communicate their 'story' and show others what is important to them, or their god in some cases. And it is all so very important and we, as a species-culture, value this stuff beyond almost everything else.
Which is why, I think, we are so damn good at advancing technology that involves TVs, film, computer animation and so on. In fact, I am starting to wonder if there is anything else we can do as well as entertainment technology. We need the stories, we like to believe the stories...The stories are about US! It's art, media, philosophy, theology, communications, understanding, learning, relating...All from story. It's kind of fascinating to me because 90% of all it also happens to be mostly bullshit. In a harsh, inhumane point of view, we collectively bullshit ourselves and each other so much that it is no wonder things are as they are and it is so fucking hard to come to consensus with anyone who doesn't invest in the same stories as you do. It's mind blowing when you really apply thought to all of what I am trying to say here.
At any rate, surely the end is coming (just like it was in 2000) so go ahead and finance that major purchase or sleep with that one person you always wanted to sleep with because the sands are running out the hour glass people. It's no wonder that climate change, middle east conflict, failing economy, tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes are all happening these days (because, you know, that kind of shit never happened before this century;-) because we are gearing up for the end. The Christians are pretty stoked about it so everyone, who deserves to depending on which metaphorical narrative you believe in, are going to heaven and everything (for them) is going to be AWESOME! Which is why I believe the "History" channel is also obsessed with Armageddon. So, fuck the "environment" and the "future" it's all bunk and phooey anyway...Get yourself a Dodge Durango (hurry up they might go bankrupt this year!) that gets 1 mile to the gallon and start throwing Styrofoam and six-pack holders into all the streams and rivers...WE ARE (some of us) GOING TO HEAVEN FOR CHRISTMAS IN 2012!!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOO!!!!!
*rides nuke from bottom of a bomber*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS WE GONNA DONE BLOW.
THIS.
SHIT.
UP!!!
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