An Endorsement

Before I get going on my "endorsement" I wanted to take a moment to follow up on my previous, ranty, lowered-to-their-level, post regarding the hate crime and racial stupidity...It turns out that big hate crime at my employer? Bogus. The Muslim girl made it up...Or so say the local police. So, the college, the community and myself were all BAMBOOZLED! Obviously, her little ploy touched a nerve with me as I tend to be extra-sensitive when it comes to prejudice and I would give her some credit in choosing an interesting time to make up shit like that. After all, it's not as if someone wasn't harassing her already...Assuming she wasn't the one to put swastikas in her own locker and so on and didn't get static when she was at an anti-Guantanamo rally a few weeks before that. Point being, she had reason, sort of, to do what she did as opposed to simply perpetrating a stunt. Sadly, it was a stunt and now she is arrested and is being charged with a felony that could result in at least a year in jail. Bad call, kid. Bad call.

At any rate, my previous post was written to incite this imagined attacker and with that in mind I offer the following in sarcastic, tongue in cheek, playing to my weaknesses tone...Enjoy:

This stupid blog officially endorses Barack Obama for President of The United States!

I know all of my reader(s?) were waiting to decide who to vote for once they saw who this blog was going to vote for so you need not wait any longer for, I am sure, this huge surprise! In all seriousness, I do believe Barack to be a cool headed leader, smart, charming, and most obviously capable of leading this country hopefully out of the shitter and back into an America that isn't teetering on the abyss. I have always liked Barack and aside from his ridiculous support of the obliteration of the fourth amendment and ethanol I just think he's the bee's knees. Now none of the above offers any real, specific reasons to vote for Obama so allow me to offer more specifics supporting this cause.

* If Barack Obama wins the Presidency all the blacks will take over! That's right, in your office, your school and your community black people will suddenly become "in charge." White folk who make over $250k will not only have to pay income crippling taxes but also drive their personal fleet of vehicles to their nearest economically disadvantaged, minority neighborhood and hand over their SUVs and other luxury automobiles directly to the poor blacks and then they will have to use public transportation to get to their new lower-income jobs. In fact, those new lower-income jobs will be derived from a socialist, spread-the-wealth, government that empowers the blacks and reduces the White's income almost 50% and will then on become referred to as "white slavery."

* With white slavery in place and the higher income whites having commenced reparation with their luxury vehicles a number of other initiatives will occur for the black taking over of America: All fast-food restaurants will become either KFC or Popeyes, all soda choices will now be grape, orange or fruit punch, a number of other well known foodstuffs will be entirely replaced by numerous other "stereotyped" snacks such as flaming hot Cheetos and, of course, watermelon. Ebonics (pronounced, "Eee-BAHNics") will be named the official language of America.

* Free abortions! That's right, if you are not pro-life then you are definitely pro-abortion so, despite anything anyone says while claiming to be "pro-choice," they are clearly into killing babies. So, once Barack becomes President every American woman of age will be forced to have an abortion and if there's enough unwed mothers with the preggers then the government will sponsor a new television network called, "Abortion TV." No one will ever pay for an abortion again...Which leads to...

* Mandatory Government Health care. That's correct, the profit-driven, capitalistic health and medicine industries in America will be replaced over night by underfunded, poorly managed, government run health clinics with barely qualified medical "practitioners" who are actually paid less than the employees of your local Popeyes. 90% of these government funded clinics will actually run on gas powered generators that never operate to full capacity so even the lighting will be dim in these de facto, abortion factories. You will need to accurately predict if and when you will be ill or require medical service so that you can get on line at your local clinic (which will be located in America's worst, poorest, crime-ridden neighborhoods) at least 7 to 10 weeks before you can expect any attention. Surgeries, both minor and major, will also have a wait list that will be a minimum of three years. Unless you're getting an abortion, you will probably never really get any help and die long before you even see the door of the government clinic (which will be called U.S. Welfare Clinics). Basically, your grandmother will die in your arms waiting in the emergency room while that screaming, black baby will get in to get some grape flavored, cough syrup.

* America's young, attractive, white daughters will be forced to have sex with black men in front of their fathers. They will bring them home, listen to the rap music, and release their exploits in online sex tapes that all the neighbors will see. They will be forced to abort the first two but the third, fourth and fifth illegitimate children will be raised in broken homes.

* When Obama becomes President the second day of his Administration will be when he collects all the guns. Not from criminals and maniacs in the "streets" but from all the registered, gun lovers who are in the rolls of the NRA. In fact, he will personally go to the NRA headquarters and run the Access report that has all NRA members and go door to door all across the country and collect all the guns. He will take away all the guns, assault rifles, bullets, orange hunting gear and redistribute them to non-registered, minority, immigrants and poor people who have been recently released from prison because...

* All drugs will be legalized and all black people in the prisons will be pardoned and released as part of the SUV/Wealth redistribution-reparation plan to make America blacker. Crack, Marijuana, and 40's will become available in vending machines at schools and everyone will be forced to get high and eat wings. any remaining white communities will not be permitted to have healthy lawns and all their vehicles will be required to have expensive rims and sub-woofers installed.

* The terrorists will win! When Obama wins he will go to Iraq and hold a Mid-East peace summit at a kitchen table where he will literally waive a white flag and surrender to Al Queada, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, China and anyone else interested in sitting at the table (with no pre-conditions) thus giving each country or terrorist organization a full, ownership stake in the U.S. The Fed will grant each conquering enemy significant percentages of the Federal reserve and every major American company will grant 90% ownership shares as well. Bill Ayres will also be appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security and he will promptly appoint Osama Bin Laden to head FEMA which helps...

* The Muslims will complete their secret plan to take over America! The entire religion of Islam answers to Bill Ayres and Osama bin Laden and their super-secret, Muslim spy Barack HUSSEIN Obama and with his victory in 2008 will completely take over America! Everyone will be forced to pray to Allah, buy prayer rugs and pray 4 times a day to the east. Mandatory pilgrimages to Mecca will not be reimbursed by the government and all American women (shortly after being forced to have abortions and sex with blacks) will then have to wear head-to-toe burkas and have all of their rights stripped away. Significant geography of America will become desert and the turban will become the national, mandatory head wear and Saudi Arabia will become known as the world's sole super power.

* The economy will collapse and become socialist and Russia will show up and take it over and make us all Islamic communists. No one will ever profit and no one will eat anything but the moldy bread and cheese they get from government welfare centers after waiting for three weeks in the rain. And no one will ever be able to do anything about it because they are all paralyzed with fear and the government, health care system will completely collapse and everyone will suffer and die all the while the government wont care because none of them are ever at work before noon anyhow and all of our children will be mixed breed, Muslims who only want to blow themselves up at public locations and events...

PHEW!

Did I cover everything?

This list was inspired by many different fear-mongering assholes of which I have heard from in recent months. Some in person and much from various online sources. None of the above is really my point of view and this is supposed to be taken as a pure mockery. The sad truth is there are A LOT of people in this country who really believe this shit. Rush Limbaugh listeners, poor, scared white folk...My favorite, as noted above, is how many of these folks seem to be under the impression that "they're" going to "take over" all the god damn time. "They're going to take away all my guns!" All "the blacks" are going to think they are the shit now! The Muslims are going to win! And what is sadder still, is that many, many of these fine folks seem to believe that "the Muslims" are the "bad guys."

Never mind that the real terrorists (Al Queada and so forth) represent Islam in the same way that the KKK represents Christians...That is far too nuanced and complicated for our Randian-ish, everything is either black or white, this or that, winners and losers, there's no such thing as "shades of gray," fueled ultimately by ignorance and hate crowd to grasp. These last few weeks, particularly at the Palin rallies, has very nicely illustrated that population hasn't it? Kind of segmented and isolated them so the TV news crews can come and poke and prod them and show them for what they really are.

Naturally, this is not all Republicans and I do happen to know plenty of sane, actual conservatives who do not deserved to be ranked along side these assclowns I am picking on in my blog. The assclowns, at the very least, provide an endless source of entertainment and assuming that the other fear-mongering notion I keep hearing about doesn't come true (best identified by, "they're going to kill him and then they're going to riot!") we might just be in for a great presidency! I mean, at the end of the day, this is the first time in my life where I actually really like the candidate, and assuming he wins, will hopefully really like my president! Imagine that? I am so used to hating the president with every fiber of my being that I can only imagine what it might be like to have one that I am proud of, intellectually stimulates me, and the rest of the planet is pretty cool with too?!