Friday, December 19, 2008

Two Weeks OFF!!! (with lots of video!)

Oh man; as I mentioned previously I neglected to take myself a vacation this year so now that the stoopid holidays have crashed our winter party I am finally taking a few days on top of our regularly scheduled baby Jesus time to have a whole TWO WEEK VACATION just like when I was 10. This is reason number six thousand and ten on the list of why I like working in education so damn much. The fun part about "two weeks" is every time I think of it I think of this:





And then I think of this:



And for the rest of the day I will telling all my co-workers to either get their asses to Mars or that "Quaid needs to open your mind to me."

I have issues.

I also hope to do some holiday shopping somewhere between today, the "blizzards," and Christmas...SO...I have 4.5 days left to shop! Lord how I miss giving a shit about the commercial aspects of this time of year when buying things was fun and stuff. No matter, with the dreary economic, environmental forecasts as dictated by our "media" maybe this will be the last Christmas. Ok, like my last post (bitching about the holidays and the weather), I may as well start crabbing about why the sky is always so damn blue when it's not cloudy as complain about the media BUT in this day and age it is becoming nigh impossible to trust or believe anything anyone says on TeeVee, the internets, the papers or next fucking door anymore. It's all hyperbole, conjecture and exaggeration especially where this economic crisis is concerned. I KNOW that is actually happening as I am hearing from laid off people every day in my (fortunate to still have) job; but how serious do I need to take this crisis? What do I do aside from feeling depressed?

Living in my own, private universe I have lots and lots of things to be depressed about. I tend to spend a lot of time watching documentaries and reading books about things that when taken together can really make me wonder if we are just FUBAR as a species and perhaps I should just switch off the news, have a drink and wait for the end. Then again, I have been known for my glass mostly empty philosophy so I also spend time dialing down my own, self-imposed fear rhetoric and remind myself that shit may be getting...uh, icky...but society isn't simply going to collapse over night!? Right? I don't really want to go into a whole lot more detail in this post as I intended to write a lighter post but I have a lot of worry about things such as "Peak Oil" (debunkment, just in case because when I first read about this I shit my pants) and Climate Change, alternate energy, over-fishing of the oceans, over populating the planet and this need to see that we as a country, culture and community are actually looking ahead to, you know, solve these problems and not just pay lip service to them. Which is about all that has been done thus far. I want to be all hopeful and believe that we will work through these issues as a civilization and, though things will get relatively shittier no matter what we do at this point, it wont become this:



"Just walk away, Just walk away from the gas..."

Extreme? Of course, it wont actually be this much fun if we run out of gas and everything, as we know it, comes to a halt...It'll be more like:



YAAAAY! Video blogging is FUN!!!

So, only time will really tell if we are in a tough time that will pass quickly-ish or if we are actually all standing on the precipice of a new dark age of some kind. I am hoping for the quickly passing thing as I am too out of shape and lazy to deal with having to forage for food and learn to farm and shit like that. Though IF things come crumbling all the rest of the way down then it will probably include lots of confused panicking in the streets with overturned cars and fire and looting and random gunfire! That'll be as close as we will ever get to a Zombie attack! So, at least we have that going for us?

YEAH!

MERRY NEW YEAR!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Busy, lazy, busy being lazy...

Yeah, things have perked up a little on the job front as the apparent possibility of our office being dissolved have been "back burner-ed" until next year so the end of times has been postponed temporarily. That hasn't made things less busy but has made things less pissy.

That said, it has been extremely difficult to find time/motivation to do some bloggin. Not that I have nothing to say it's just when I feel like sayin' it I am either bogged down in the office or it's late at night and I don't have all the extra energy required to push the computing buttons in the correct order so as a blog is posted on the interwebs. So, my usual high octane mix of occupied buz-i-ness multiplied by chronic laziness has equaled weeks of no posting. So, instead of a quality post you get this crap.

Anyone else having trouble adapting to the cold? I don't know why I even bother wasting the words on this topic but it seems like every year winter comes faster and rather than acting like I am so completely used to it having lived in this region my entire life...I find myself almost unable to deal these days. Hibernation sets in and I simply avoid going outside as much as humanly possible. Somewhere on this life journey I skipped out on "the outdoors man who loves doing winter activities" option and instead went for, "Hey, let's stay in and eat Suzy-Q's and watch all of the Lord of the Rings again!" It's not as if December hits and the thermometer drops to zero and I am all, "What the fuck is this shit?!?! IT'S FALLING RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY!?!?!" It just seems the older I get the more life is looking forward to that break between winters when it is nice out for a minute. I'd move somewhere warmer I suppose if all I had to do was close my eyes and open them elsewhere...along with all my stuff, and maybe some of my friends.

The other thing I am bored of...Christmas. Don't hate it and wouldn't say I am anti-Christmas as I like the time off very much and I do love playing Santa (annual gig is coming up 12/12!). But man, I am sick of the routine, the plastic, the charade, and most of all...I am so very tired of Christmas music. It never changes and it is dull. DULL! DULL!! DULL!!! My receptionist has it playing as I sit on my lunch break tapping this out, she quite likes this holiday stuff, and she is humming along with it and I keep wondering why after all these years she isn't fucking exhausted with the Little Drummer Boy yet?!?! Fuck that little fucker and his fucking drum! Same songs, same styles, same dreary "Holiday cheer" over and over and over and over again. They never add in any new ones and whenever they try they simply suck. Beyond suck; I think the last "new" Christmas song I ever liked was 'Christmas in Hollis' by Run D.M.C. and THAT shit is already like 25 years old?!?!

Then, there's the decor. I am someone who grew up loving the decorating part, the trees, the lights, the blinking shit and these days, what with all our fancy technology, Christmas decorations (and Halloween for that matter) are near Nasa levels of technology. Shit, if you brought an animatronic Santa and a set of fiber-optic lights into the early '80's and showed my 10 year old ass I would have shit holly in my pants. But now, and this may simply be a product of "growing up," I find it all so empty and meaningless. Whether your intention is the Celebration of JEE-ZUS or because you love your family and friends what's a better way to say it then with pure, completely commercialized, insincerity...Made from Chinese plastic that lights the fuck up and sings "Grandmother Got Run Over By a Reindeer until she was fucking dead" at 760 decibels and can be seen and heard from space. Because if you love somebody you must prove it by wasting a significant portion of your income on fucking plastic junk. Regular gifts included.

I recently spent a little time in an American Sales store in my hometown and at first that old, somewhat nostalgic, holiday feeling came over me as I walked into the Christmas decoration section and saw all the old and new fangled Christmas lights and memories abounded and I momentarily thought maybe this year I will decorate my apartment with some lights?!?! Then, after a few minutes, the idea died and I started feeling that sort of commercial manipulation or seasonal exploitation that just irks me. It irks me we live in an economy that is grown dependent on the Holiday season to survive. Everything in retail is driven towards this time of year, the fourth quarter...The black Fridays and Mondays and super-special Internet sales and promotional sales and exclusive holiday gift packs. And all the lame shit that is packed into store shelves so hard that I almost feel embarrassed about buying and giving to anyone. You see those kind of items a lot in stores? Combo packs of DVDs, or large cardboard cutout posters of Batman, or special "You're the best Golfer" wall tapestries...Know what I mean? The kind of shit you only see this time of year that says, "I think you are worth something so I bought you this meaningless, useless item to forever live in the dark reaches of your fucking closet..." Or whatever...Bitching about this stuff is right up there with bitching about the weather...In the end it's just dumb bitching.

There's more to the above I could go on about but my lunch break has run out...All the same...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

MY BLOG READERS ARE THE MOST!!!

*hands you a melted lump of plastic that at one time was shaped in the form of some thing, idea, or pop cultural icon that personally pleased you at some point in your life.*

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thanksgiving already!?!

Where did this fall go?! All wrapped up in election bullshit and the fall has raced past so fast I am standing out side in 30 degree weather in shorts and a T-Shirt wondering why I thought it was a good idea to not take a vacation this year. That's an interesting idea...A vacation...I usually take at least a week once or twice a year. Sure, I rarely go places on said Vacations but then that requires, work, planning, effort, transportation, the copious spending of money and when done alone are not always that much fun. Or I am inexcusably lazy...One or the other, probably both.

Things have been a little rough since the election. In fact, moments after finishing the previous post I had come to learn, through an emergency office meeting, that our department may be phased out in the coming year. Turns out that may not entirely be true after all BUT it remains a possibility. As you can imagine, that has been no good for the morale of my office. I do love my job and I love the institution I work for but I don't love being put into another potential lay-off position particularly when you see the Illinois unemployment rate is at 7.3% and the economy is not showing signs of improvement at the moment. Other institutions are going on hiring freezes and all those who work in the consumer good industries are shitting their pants.

Will Christmas come and save America and everyone will go out and buy their usual 10 tons of useless crap this year? Or is this economic sickness more real than anyone wants to know? Only time will tell and I sure don't feel good about it. Much of the issues seem to stem from our own Americanized, debt loving, economical stupidity. Too much credit and not enough actual capital. Predatory loans, purchasing homes and cars one cannot afford. Driving around in bug, giant, stupid SUVs and burning gas at an incredible rate until the giant piece of shit craps and another ka-billion needs to be sunk into repairs, etc. Our mass ignorance and greed is finally really starting to bite our proverbial asses...How will we make it better? All the Obama-Awesomeness in the world can not magically repair this. Only we, all of us, can really fix this and I can't imagine that's gonna happen. So, we will see. Perhaps, this is more the media and not the reality and things will be fine? Who knows; but the stress and anxiety sure is real. Just seeing it first hand in my office; in just two weeks we went from happy, family like office to in-fighting and tense shithouse...almost over night. Sucks.

Sucks more for those I know who are already out on their asses. Every week another friend loses a job and there is little that can be done, not in their or my control. Sad, scary and hopefully, like most things, this to shall pass. Ugh, I wanted to go on more today but I have also been FUCKING busy lately through all of this and now have to hit the road for a fair...Just realized today that Thanksgiving is a week from today...Another year flushed by so fast I barely took a moment to notice it. Adulthood has a lot of perks but they always seem off-set by the sheer suckitude of it all...Well, at least some days.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

A new day.

I don't have time for another marathon post but a post must be made today and it should go a little like this:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!


THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER!!!!

President Barack Obama.

Like the sound of that.

I imagine all my hypothetical Republican voters feel a wee bit like how I did on this day in 2004. Part of me wants to be Eric Cartman and lick up your bitter tears but that wont help anything. Did you notice all the boos during McCain's concession speech last night when he talked about the new President? Did you hear any boos when President Obama (like that) mentioned McCain's name at his speech last night? That's right, there weren't any boos. Welcome to the new America! And for those of you praying harder for our supposed loss of your values or no sure they are coming for your guns or if you think we are to "reap what we sow" with some other scary economical/U.S. Surpreme court changing fear mongering you happen to adhere to then I can't help you. I know how you feel and so forth but I am not worried. I know things are not going to dramatically improve and the wars are not just going to end and the economy is not going to improve...And hell, in a couple of months I may be already writing bitchy blogs here about what President Obama isn't doing or what have you. It won't be perfect. But it cannot be any worse than it has been and it might possibly be great. So, sorry you are so dumb and/or bitter but for today, and just for today, Ya'all can just SUCK IT!!!!!

Tomorrow it's back to work, back to being just the one America we all live in and we all need to work to make it better. I have never felt this proud to be American before!!!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

This day has FINALLY come

I am so excited.

Today's one of those days. I am really feeling pretty good about it right now. I, however, am not a complete jack-ass as I remember feeling this way a tad on election day in 2004. I do believe this time is, and will be, different because Obama is not Kerry and it at least appears that America, in very general terms, have woken up a little. Perhaps.

It has been amazing to see this happen as I don't quite remember this level of fervor in '04; sure there was excitement and it wasn't as if 2004 was a dud election cycle. Today, though, I have people I have never heard say a word about politics suddenly come off like they host their own news show! It's marvelous! I have been paying attention to this baloney fairly closely since 9/11 and very often would lament that few around me really seemed to care, no one seemed to be paying attention, and no one really wanted to hear about it and would just roll their eyes and ignore me if I brought anything political up. Now, I have been told to vote by people left and right, I have had people tell me how naive my beliefs I don't have about Obama were, given book recommendations, blog recommendations and and so on. Marvelous, it is truly exciting as the eight year nightmare is in it's death throes and even if McCain somehow miracles his ass (or steals it like 2000) into the White House it still cannot be as bad as it has been these last eight years. Can it? IF McCain does win tonight though I worry about whether or not I can handle that again...Kerry's loss in 2004, despite his more or less uninspiring campaign, still stung nearly as bad and deeply as 9/11 without the 3,000 murders.

The one point of contention I have in this particular cycle is what I have been hearing from other "independents;" That same, tired old, "Lesser of two evils" thing. I know what is meant by that notion, I see what they mean and I even agree with them on most of the points during most elections but if you really think Obama is "evil" then I don't know what else to tell you. I mean, I support independent people too and was strongly considering voting for Nader again this year so if you are about voting your beliefs I think that's just great! I know Obama is no miracle, shit ain't going to magic itself right over night, we're not going to just see Iraq end, universal healthcare isn't going to suddenly appear and Socialism isn't suddenly going to take over the government and economy. This is history happening right before you and you need to do is simply mark a piece of paper to take part. A piece of paper that says, "I am interested in the best possible choice and potentially making this place look like America again!" rather than an empty gesture for a third party that, very sadly, won't even get near the 5% they need. I know this because I did that in 2000. Normally, I nod in agreement with that whole lesser of two evils ideal but this time, maybe for the first time, it may actually not be true. I mean this for THIS election, this particular time...Lets all vote third party next time!

I mean if you think everything the Democratic party and Barack say and stand for are evil then I can't help you. I myself don't like the complicit support of the abolition of the 4th amendment, I don't like that they cannot take a stronger stance on the current wars (so far), the bizarre support of ethanol, I don't really think some tax system changes are going to magic the economy back into non-panic areas and basically I find the Democrats, in general, to be boring and wishy-washy just to name a few things. Then again, when talking "liberals" you are always talking about herding cats. That said, Barack Obama is a really smart guy. He has not been as jaded by the Washington machine as he could be, he is not institutional, he is calm, mannered and by all accounts and appearances these last two plus years...IS NOT A LOON! He very likely will also appoint similar smart people in the cabinet and we may end up with a smart government, one that gets shit done and works well with the rest of the planet! After what we have been through what the fuck more do you want?!?!

What I am getting at is no matter what your core beliefs and values; why would you bother voting for the status quo? Yes, McCain is not Bush and all that but he is the party that has lead us most directly into the hole we are currently in and I find it really, really hard to believe Mr. Grandpa-Surly-Pants is capable of the demeanor and nuance we need in charge right now. At the very least, I am perfectly willing to take the risk, so to speak, on Barack's "inexperience." After all he won't be the first inexperienced President we have ever elected and I would be stunned if Barack turns out to be any where near as dumb as Dubya and Co. So, politicians are politicians and everything Obama says will not come to magical, wondrous reality and honestly he may be in for quite a roller coaster but why waste time, this time, on a third party or making your values and beliefs feel extra special when you mark your ballot this particular cycle? Get on the boat, man, this shit ain't about just YOU.

This is me talking here folks and I surely know something about both 3rd party voting (voting on my beliefs/values) and being brainwashed sheeple who are voting with "everyone else." If you think that about me then I cannot help you and I wonder if you are being unnecessarily stubborn in your own values and beliefs today. I ain't no Democrat and I also voted as many independents as I could in the lower ticket elections but I see no better candidate than Obama. In fact, I have never seen any other candidate ever that was better than Obama on any major ticket (fact is Nader is an awesome candidate in my mind but he is taken less seriously than supposedly fringe nuts like Kucinich and Ron Paul; who has supporters despite his no longer running for President?!?!) and for this political junkie that is saying a lot. You need not believe it but I am not sitting here trying to win you over because of some pie-in-the-sky, one-of-us-ness.

At any rate, this day I thought would never come, and which cannot pass fast enough, has finally arrived and despite the general election fatigue we all are experiencing, I do feel that I will miss all this noise and excitement once it ends. I will, I will miss all the news personality and the belief that something big is happening, and all the ridiculous accusations and crappy campaign tactics. Hell, I will even miss Sarah Palin! I have never seen a bigger maroon in public life in all my years and that is including every member of the Bush administration! She is the human version of a Disney ride....It would be like going to the Epcot Center and forming all of your ethical values and ideology based on the songs they sang. Some days I have wondered if she were simply functionally retarded others I wonder if she was built and programmed. Again, assuming they don't win (wonder what the follow up post will look like here if they do?), then she will be one of THE most amusing footnotes of general election history. Hopefully she will get a talk show or something because her mouth opens and comedy gold just spills out.

She has made me feel bad for all those Republican voters though, most of the ones I know are usually single issue voters who are either too racist, too into gun shit or abortion laws to be able to separate out much else and actually vote for their own interests. If you are not a rich, conservative, Christian person then why would you ever vote McCain? He hasn't been talking to you in this whole campaign! All his raising taxes fear rhetoric is aimed squarely at those making $200K plus a year and I don't know anyone who even comes near that income.

Do you really believe gun laws/abortion law outweigh the economy?

Illegal bullshit wars?

Not too worried about your children's futures are ya?

I mean some people simply like having a stubborn, impetuous crank in office so there go most of your McCain voters. It's simply sad that there are still this many people stuck in the 20th century. People that have sat and watched as the Palin-McCain "Desperate Express" basically resorted to name calling and never really presented any sort of action or plan for the future at all and you're telling me that I should be worried about Obama's pastor or some old professor on some committee Obama was on years and years ago?!? Are you out of your fucking mind?! Telling Obama supporters to be afraid, and that they are naive, and are "drinking the Kool-Aid" while racist fucktards are screaming "Terrorist" and "Kill him" in the back ground. Time to move on people and here lies my invitation to get on the bus. The NRA is full of fucking lobbyist fucking shit and you are drinking their Kool-Aid, or Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity's fucking paranoid, Muslim hating Kool-Aid, or maybe it's abortion and you are drinking down that particularly bitter, "You want to kill babies!" Kool-Aid.

Whatever it is, and I am sure if Obama wins we will start hearing all about it just like when Clinton was in office...The Republicans are really good at two things a) winning elections and b) being the bitchy minority party...and you can bitch and moan and make hypothetical arguments about how high your taxes would be if you happen to get rich "someday" or how all the women will be forced to have abortions and then they will come and take away all your guns and all that gawd damn, same old, fear monger, fucking bull shit they force feed you people. Point is, look long in the mirror and ask yourself if maybe you (my hypothetical and archetypal Republican voter) are the one who has been drinking this tired, proverbial Kool-Aid? Maybe your party thinks so little of you and your intelligence that they manipulate you with all of this fear; racial fear, gun losing fear, Islamic-non-Christianity-is-different fear that you have lost a little perspective. Quit pointing that finger and extolling beliefs and values that are founded in abstracts and start thinking a little about what we, as a nation, are going to do to get out of this fucking hole we are in. I think liberal, socialist, Marxist, Terrorist-Loving, Barack Hussein Obama said it best, in his elitist, secret Muslim, celebrity way:
"Despite what our opponents may claim, there are no real or fake parts of this country. There is no city or town that is more pro-America than anywhere else - we are one nation, all of us proud, all of us patriots. There are patriots who supported this war in Iraq and patriots who opposed it; patriots who believe in Democratic policies and those who believe in Republican policies. The men and women who serve on our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America."

Yeah, what a fucking asshole. How dare he say elitist shit like that?!

His poll numbers and current probable win is, I believe, a result of our general populace being tired of the dirty tactics, jocular, competitive, purple band-aid wearing, retardedry we have been force fed these last 8 years...We have had it with that shit. It's why McCain's campaign has floundered as it has because that is all they had is stupid, bullshit, name calling most of which is unfounded and so freaking dumb I can barely put it to words...Kind of like Palin. Sure, it isn't just going to go away because now it will be the new undercurrent, conspiracy theories and so forth that we saw in the Clinton years. BUT I do think some of those, who may have thought that way at one time, have seen the light. They see the economy and the mess it is and they see that maybe these 'Atlas Shrugs' reading, greed-greed-greed, invisible hand of the market, Greenspan types have had their day and guess who's trickle down, the few-get-the-wealth-the-poor-fight-the-wars mentality philosophy will be going on the ineffective list? Theirs. Just like Freudian Psychology and thinking the Sun spins around the earth, evolution has come and gone and lots of us have moved on. I cordially invite the rest of you to do so too! It's neat, they have like big, flat screen TVs and XBox 360s here!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

MY BRAIN HURTS

You know there are so many cliches one can use when your having a surreal week. You know, one of those weeks where multiple things are happening at once and your psyche starts feeling like brain-colored taffy being stretched across an increasingly empty chasm in your skull. Where some events out weigh others in personal importance but you cannot allow any single "current event" take priority. So, that is a reason I like to blog; helps me sort some of the stuff out and by typing out some of my thoughts it can, sort of, relieve the pressure...so to speak. In a way, blogging, writing a journal, whatever you want to call it really is kind of like the Pensieve in the Harry Potter books with exception that no amount of writing will truly release the thoughts.

Anyhow...Let me start with the usual, easy stuff:

Politics.

I know many are growing tired of the election-a-palooza and in some ways, so am I. Not enough to stop thinking about it, writing about it and so forth but enough to say that once the election is over it will be a nice break and I can get back to caring about other shit. That said, I have never watched a more exciting election!!! I have been paying fairly close attention to "politics" (with some exceptions) for the better part of 8 years so I have a hard time codifying just how glad I am to see an end to the Bush administration. So much so that I can hardly believe it. Last night I watch Barack's late night political rally in Florida with Big Bubba Clinton and by the end of Barack's speech I was, once again, inspired. I have never, ever been inspired by a politician ever in my life. I really like this guy and assuming he doesn't end up un-masking himself as a loon once he wins I truly, actually have hope for our future. This whole unite vs. divide theme he is closing his campaign on is brilliant. He is tired of the derision, divisiveness, the us vs. them, the fear, the manipulation and he is right on when he says we need to unify and solve our problems. We need to come together (right now, over me) because we are all Americans. No fake Americans, no unpatriotic Americans...We are all Americans.

How refreshing is that?

I know I have been derisive and nasty myself over the years and in the last few posts, though much of that is sarcasm, in truth Barack inspires me. I have never felt so good about a candidate and the dude has personally answered my e-mails over the year something no other senator has ever done for me. Could it be, despite these clearly dark times, there really is cause for hope? Perhaps.

Other stuff

Work has been BUSY lately as we are gearing up for our big fall open house and I have been visiting conferences, college fairs and more day in and day out as fall tends to be one of my busy seasons and I have another post brewing about much of my conference experiences as there are few organized events as surreal and stupid as conferences. That's another day as I am just noting that as yet another taffy-puller in my stretched psyche analogy I mentioned at the top of this post because...

I have an uncle.

I don't talk much about my family as, you know, it's personal but essentially my uncle, as far as my immediate family knew, disappeared a little while after my grandmother passed in 2002. Didn't know where he was, what happened to him and for the most part had written him off and generally never expected to see or hear from him again. Thought he might be living in Arizona, where his mom died, or perhaps took to the road and started his life a new, or something.

Out of the Blue this past Sunday evening my mom got a call from a very distant relative in the area explaining that he is, in fact, in the area and apparently on his death bed in a hospital a mere five minutes away from my apartment. There's some complicated, bad-blood-like, issues where he and my family were concerned that I don't need to go into here but I will say that it was a bit of a shock for all of us and the question of what to do lingered. My family has a history of not being super close with relatives outside the nuclear structure; when my Aunt passed a few years ago there to was some bad blood and while we all went to the funeral only I went and saw her before she passed. So, I decided that I should do the same now. Thus, I got the phone number from the a fore mentioned distant relative and began the process of, as I delicately put it, find out "what the fuck has been going on?!" Tuesday morning I saw my uncle for the first time since somewhere in the late 1990's in ICU in a hospital near my home. Tubes running in and out of him everywhere as he is suffering from a series of post surgical infections. He cried, he was so happy that I came and saw him and I inadvertently committed a really good deed. I am hoping he makes it (I believe he will) and I am hoping that my actions were the first step in repairing a long ago made family rift. The next day I saw him again and brought him a family photo collage I made in PS and it clearly made him feel so good.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I feel lifted that I have this chance to fix something that was broken that all parties assumed would never be fixed. I am glad I finally have answers to the question, "What ever happened to my uncle?" But I am worried as I have zero experience with someone in ICU. The only other part of a hospital that is weirder to visit would be the morgue. The moaning, the tubes, the pain from all the surrounding patients. The pain my uncle is in, the infections, the fear, and the unknowns...It's mind bending. This could be one of the greatest things I have ever done in family terms...but what if...? What if he doesn't make it? Is my positive outlook simply naive? My mother and sister, who in the past were very angry with him, have agreed to come and see him...I think this is a new beginning...A chance to finally let that water flow under that bridge and for the first time in ages I can say, with no doubt, "I have an Uncle again." And that's good!

But the worry, the questions, compounded with a very heavy, six-day work week with our major special event at the end and loads of prep work and responsibility to be done to get there. This election is creating in myself, and many others I know, a palpable tension and excitement. The crazy ass dreams I have been having AND there are some other things that I want to mention that I will have to save for the next post as I am out of time (another part of this wunder-week, more stuff than time to stuff it) ...Well, it hasn't been easy. All the same, I am keeping that chin up and am hoping for the best. But...MY BRAIN HURTS!!! *wearing Gumby diaper on head*

Happy Halloween, by the way, all of this other shit has entirely voided the holiday in my head.

Monday, October 20, 2008

An Endorsement

Before I get going on my "endorsement" I wanted to take a moment to follow up on my previous, ranty, lowered-to-their-level, post regarding the hate crime and racial stupidity...It turns out that big hate crime at my employer? Bogus. The Muslim girl made it up...Or so say the local police. So, the college, the community and myself were all BAMBOOZLED! Obviously, her little ploy touched a nerve with me as I tend to be extra-sensitive when it comes to prejudice and I would give her some credit in choosing an interesting time to make up shit like that. After all, it's not as if someone wasn't harassing her already...Assuming she wasn't the one to put swastikas in her own locker and so on and didn't get static when she was at an anti-Guantanamo rally a few weeks before that. Point being, she had reason, sort of, to do what she did as opposed to simply perpetrating a stunt. Sadly, it was a stunt and now she is arrested and is being charged with a felony that could result in at least a year in jail. Bad call, kid. Bad call.

At any rate, my previous post was written to incite this imagined attacker and with that in mind I offer the following in sarcastic, tongue in cheek, playing to my weaknesses tone...Enjoy:

This stupid blog officially endorses Barack Obama for President of The United States!

I know all of my reader(s?) were waiting to decide who to vote for once they saw who this blog was going to vote for so you need not wait any longer for, I am sure, this huge surprise! In all seriousness, I do believe Barack to be a cool headed leader, smart, charming, and most obviously capable of leading this country hopefully out of the shitter and back into an America that isn't teetering on the abyss. I have always liked Barack and aside from his ridiculous support of the obliteration of the fourth amendment and ethanol I just think he's the bee's knees. Now none of the above offers any real, specific reasons to vote for Obama so allow me to offer more specifics supporting this cause.

* If Barack Obama wins the Presidency all the blacks will take over! That's right, in your office, your school and your community black people will suddenly become "in charge." White folk who make over $250k will not only have to pay income crippling taxes but also drive their personal fleet of vehicles to their nearest economically disadvantaged, minority neighborhood and hand over their SUVs and other luxury automobiles directly to the poor blacks and then they will have to use public transportation to get to their new lower-income jobs. In fact, those new lower-income jobs will be derived from a socialist, spread-the-wealth, government that empowers the blacks and reduces the White's income almost 50% and will then on become referred to as "white slavery."

* With white slavery in place and the higher income whites having commenced reparation with their luxury vehicles a number of other initiatives will occur for the black taking over of America: All fast-food restaurants will become either KFC or Popeyes, all soda choices will now be grape, orange or fruit punch, a number of other well known foodstuffs will be entirely replaced by numerous other "stereotyped" snacks such as flaming hot Cheetos and, of course, watermelon. Ebonics (pronounced, "Eee-BAHNics") will be named the official language of America.

* Free abortions! That's right, if you are not pro-life then you are definitely pro-abortion so, despite anything anyone says while claiming to be "pro-choice," they are clearly into killing babies. So, once Barack becomes President every American woman of age will be forced to have an abortion and if there's enough unwed mothers with the preggers then the government will sponsor a new television network called, "Abortion TV." No one will ever pay for an abortion again...Which leads to...

* Mandatory Government Health care. That's correct, the profit-driven, capitalistic health and medicine industries in America will be replaced over night by underfunded, poorly managed, government run health clinics with barely qualified medical "practitioners" who are actually paid less than the employees of your local Popeyes. 90% of these government funded clinics will actually run on gas powered generators that never operate to full capacity so even the lighting will be dim in these de facto, abortion factories. You will need to accurately predict if and when you will be ill or require medical service so that you can get on line at your local clinic (which will be located in America's worst, poorest, crime-ridden neighborhoods) at least 7 to 10 weeks before you can expect any attention. Surgeries, both minor and major, will also have a wait list that will be a minimum of three years. Unless you're getting an abortion, you will probably never really get any help and die long before you even see the door of the government clinic (which will be called U.S. Welfare Clinics). Basically, your grandmother will die in your arms waiting in the emergency room while that screaming, black baby will get in to get some grape flavored, cough syrup.

* America's young, attractive, white daughters will be forced to have sex with black men in front of their fathers. They will bring them home, listen to the rap music, and release their exploits in online sex tapes that all the neighbors will see. They will be forced to abort the first two but the third, fourth and fifth illegitimate children will be raised in broken homes.

* When Obama becomes President the second day of his Administration will be when he collects all the guns. Not from criminals and maniacs in the "streets" but from all the registered, gun lovers who are in the rolls of the NRA. In fact, he will personally go to the NRA headquarters and run the Access report that has all NRA members and go door to door all across the country and collect all the guns. He will take away all the guns, assault rifles, bullets, orange hunting gear and redistribute them to non-registered, minority, immigrants and poor people who have been recently released from prison because...

* All drugs will be legalized and all black people in the prisons will be pardoned and released as part of the SUV/Wealth redistribution-reparation plan to make America blacker. Crack, Marijuana, and 40's will become available in vending machines at schools and everyone will be forced to get high and eat wings. any remaining white communities will not be permitted to have healthy lawns and all their vehicles will be required to have expensive rims and sub-woofers installed.

* The terrorists will win! When Obama wins he will go to Iraq and hold a Mid-East peace summit at a kitchen table where he will literally waive a white flag and surrender to Al Queada, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, China and anyone else interested in sitting at the table (with no pre-conditions) thus giving each country or terrorist organization a full, ownership stake in the U.S. The Fed will grant each conquering enemy significant percentages of the Federal reserve and every major American company will grant 90% ownership shares as well. Bill Ayres will also be appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security and he will promptly appoint Osama Bin Laden to head FEMA which helps...

* The Muslims will complete their secret plan to take over America! The entire religion of Islam answers to Bill Ayres and Osama bin Laden and their super-secret, Muslim spy Barack HUSSEIN Obama and with his victory in 2008 will completely take over America! Everyone will be forced to pray to Allah, buy prayer rugs and pray 4 times a day to the east. Mandatory pilgrimages to Mecca will not be reimbursed by the government and all American women (shortly after being forced to have abortions and sex with blacks) will then have to wear head-to-toe burkas and have all of their rights stripped away. Significant geography of America will become desert and the turban will become the national, mandatory head wear and Saudi Arabia will become known as the world's sole super power.

* The economy will collapse and become socialist and Russia will show up and take it over and make us all Islamic communists. No one will ever profit and no one will eat anything but the moldy bread and cheese they get from government welfare centers after waiting for three weeks in the rain. And no one will ever be able to do anything about it because they are all paralyzed with fear and the government, health care system will completely collapse and everyone will suffer and die all the while the government wont care because none of them are ever at work before noon anyhow and all of our children will be mixed breed, Muslims who only want to blow themselves up at public locations and events...

PHEW!

Did I cover everything?

This list was inspired by many different fear-mongering assholes of which I have heard from in recent months. Some in person and much from various online sources. None of the above is really my point of view and this is supposed to be taken as a pure mockery. The sad truth is there are A LOT of people in this country who really believe this shit. Rush Limbaugh listeners, poor, scared white folk...My favorite, as noted above, is how many of these folks seem to be under the impression that "they're" going to "take over" all the god damn time. "They're going to take away all my guns!" All "the blacks" are going to think they are the shit now! The Muslims are going to win! And what is sadder still, is that many, many of these fine folks seem to believe that "the Muslims" are the "bad guys."

Never mind that the real terrorists (Al Queada and so forth) represent Islam in the same way that the KKK represents Christians...That is far too nuanced and complicated for our Randian-ish, everything is either black or white, this or that, winners and losers, there's no such thing as "shades of gray," fueled ultimately by ignorance and hate crowd to grasp. These last few weeks, particularly at the Palin rallies, has very nicely illustrated that population hasn't it? Kind of segmented and isolated them so the TV news crews can come and poke and prod them and show them for what they really are.

Naturally, this is not all Republicans and I do happen to know plenty of sane, actual conservatives who do not deserved to be ranked along side these assclowns I am picking on in my blog. The assclowns, at the very least, provide an endless source of entertainment and assuming that the other fear-mongering notion I keep hearing about doesn't come true (best identified by, "they're going to kill him and then they're going to riot!") we might just be in for a great presidency! I mean, at the end of the day, this is the first time in my life where I actually really like the candidate, and assuming he wins, will hopefully really like my president! Imagine that? I am so used to hating the president with every fiber of my being that I can only imagine what it might be like to have one that I am proud of, intellectually stimulates me, and the rest of the planet is pretty cool with too?!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Hate Crime?!?!

Man.

Fuck!

I mean seriously, FUCK. My employer is not a place of hate. There has nary been a heated argument at the joint. We are small and we are green and we are a peaceful institution. This person who instigated this mental, cowardly bathroom "attack" apparently put his ignorant, uninformed, allegedly anti-Islamic self ahead of every single other person that has anything to do with that college. All it's students and employees, alumni, community members and on and on. Assuming this incident (and the graffiti and so forth that preceded it) was, in fact, perpetrated by someone whose motivations are truly hatred of Muslims then one wonders who taught that guy about Islam? I am not the world's greatest theologian by any stretch of any imagination but I know enough to know that hating any Muslims over anything oriented with our wars, our 9/11's is equivalent to hating all Christians because of the Oklahoma bomber and the KKK. It is misguided, poorly executed and rather than striking some blow to the local Islamic community with fear and aggression this person merely caused the local spotlight to fall on our college and heat it up. This will lead to increased security measures, the perception of an unsafe environment, and piss off the other 3,299 students.

Why? Why is this important for you to do right now? Jerking off to the media coverage are ya? Are you one of those ass-clowns who think Barack Obama is a "secret Muslim" who is going to "take over America with Islam?" Are you another mentally incompetent right-winger who thinks we need to WIN and run the world? Do you listen to Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh and post your paranoid stupidity on Craig's List? Are you afraid? Were you the one who put a swastika in the victim's locker? Seriously? Do you actually know anything about history? Were ya picked on a lot when you were younger? Do you think you are bigger than you are? A lot of guys like you tend to be repressed homosexuals, they'll never admit it but deep down they need the cock, that you?

You, whoever you fucking are, have accomplished nothing other than making the other 3, 299 students, staff and faculty of a perfectly content, little, liberal arts college feel they have to do something. The local TV are running around collecting local quotes about how they suddenly are afraid to walk around the campus at night...Did that make ya hard? Maybe they will lock more buildings, close more doors, have more cops on campus...Hell, let's put up a fence and have a bunch of rednecks ride around it on four-wheelers day and night...You ignorant, self-immersed, sanctimonious, prick!

Why is live and let live so god damn difficult to do?

This incident, in my opinion, is very likely fueled by the current socio-political culture...It is born in the same territory as those at all of Sarah Palin's hate rallies where they spend time emphasising Barack Obama's middle name and talking about his terrorist connections..."And what do we really know about Barack Obama?" This is why McCain is currently losing this election...Do you idiot, simple-minded, racist fucktards understand that the rest of us have moved out of the 20th century already? Did you miss the memo? Couldn't open the e-mail perhaps? still haven't discovered attachments yet?

Alright, I am surely speculating on the above as all the facts are not in yet on my local incident to prove out that it had anything to do with the larger political noise machine that coincidentally is echoing all around the land lately. Maybe it's the collapsing economy? Perhaps this is a tiny beginning of the Mad Max like ending we appear to be heading for? Just questions and jumped-to conclusions people; don't panic.

Going back to my friends at the hate rallies for a moment (and my friend from work, with his gun and his ski mask, you might want to read this too) doesn't all the rage make you tired? The fear? The fear of people different from you? Believe different beliefs, have different skin colors, speak languages that don't sound familiar...They scare you so bad? They make you hate? Do you feel like you are losing? Do you tire of having to re-interpret everything that happens and has happened to fit your narrow view of the world? Doesn't that take more work then living and let living? And why the ski mask? If you are so tough and so filled with hate...Why hide? Oh, I forget, we are all brainwashed and liberal right? We are all "drinking the kool-aid" on Obama so he can secretly make America a Muslim country and then the terrorists and hope for fucking insano-shit like this and constantly screaming shit like this all the way. I have grown oh so weary of your empty-headed, racially motivated, fear mongering right wingers. The sad part is that all this noise is merely the beginning.

And say, not directly related but yet another folly of our current administration de awesome...Remember when they basically repealed the 4th Amendment a few months ago and they kept saying shit like, "We need the NSA wiretapping to listen to the terrorists!" Well, guess what?

When Ross showed Kinne a video excerpt of George Bush insisting to the nation that only those with links to Al Qaeda were eavesdropped on as part of his illegal spying program, the following exchange occurred:

ROSS: Kinne says she listened to hundreds of Americans simply calling their families …

KINNE: Personal, private things with Americans who are not in any way, shape or form associated with anything having anything to do with terrorism. It was just personal conversations that nobody else should have been listening to.

ROSS: President Bush has reassured Americans again and again:

GEORGE BUSH: It’s phone calls of known Al Qaeda suspects making a phone call into the United States.

KINNE: I would say that that is completely a lie — I would call it a lie — because we were definitely listening to Americans who had nothing to do with terrorism…

ROSS: Kinne says she intercepted, recorded, and transcribed conversations with the military, journalists, and Red Cross and aid workers."

Why should anyone listen to any of you any more? Take your Republicanisms, your "wholesome 'merican Values," your hatred, your fear, your definitional ignorance and roll it all up and shove it your fucking ass AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! You people have lost your credibility and clearly are not very bright so go hide in your bunkers, have some freeze-dried ice cream and shiver yourself to sleep think about Barack Obama's middle name. Maybe you can masturbate to 'Red Dawn' again when the scary enemy was easier to contemplate. Fools. Ignorant, racist fools.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

A grab bag...

You know, you hear this and that about people you knew in college now and again. So and so said that so and so is doing this show in Texas, and I heard that Bobbie Joe opened a tavern in Kentucky, etc. I remember a friend mentioning to me several years ago that a mutual acquaintance from college had re-enlisted in the service several times over to fight in the current wars. It was surprising in the first place as that guy signed up after going college for theater and near as I can recall was not in ROTC or seemed militarily oriented in any way. I remember being surprised that he was going to enlist. The last thing I heard from the friend I mentioned above was that Gary, the theater major turned military guy, was going for Ranger training and was hoping to get to the special forces. I had not heard anything about Gary since and it's weird how you can separate two things in your head that are actually connected. What I mean to say is, I am well aware of our wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and I am aware that a college friend is enlisted with special forces dreams. Yet, never had I done the simple math that my very real college friend and this very real war(s) I see on TV and the Internet might just interconnect in real life. So, here I sit on this fine Thursday afternoon trying to work and I can't help but keep thinking that someone I knew, worked with in theater a little, just died in Afghanistan.

I don't know what else to say about that other than my thoughts to Gary and his family and to the rest of ISU alums who knew him and I assume also feeling it.

Outside of this, I have been quite busy with works and so forth. An interesting coincidence that also has slightly morbid implications happened last Friday afternoon here at my lovely office. My employer is currently hosting a guest lecturer to talk about film on campus and they gave the guest lecturer an office to use during his several week stay in our office. That guest lecturer is none other that old-time, MGM producer, assistant director Hank Moonjean!

The gals in my office are quite excited to have access to this little bit of Hollywood so they planned a lovely pizza party lunch where we had a mini Q&A session with Hank. He had some lovely stories about several good friends such as Bette Davis, Elizabeth Taylor, and weirdly enough Paul Newman(Hank Asst. Directed 'Cool Hand Luke" and hosted a screening on campus last week). Only weird because Mr. Newman passed the next day in a vaguely bizarre coincidence. Hank is a funny guy but sadly he and I have wildly different tastes in movies. For instance, he started the lunch stating that he hates non-realistic pictures, super-hero movies are dumb, he walked out of Star Wars, he insisted that he thought Heath Ledger appeared "really stoned" throughout The Dark Knight. He overall thought that all contemporary movies ("with that Wes Farrell and Adam Sandlers") were poorly written and had no stories just special effects. I asked him what about Martin Scorsese and he said he had never seen any of his flicks because he doesn't like Martin. Older flicks, however, clearly have a space in his heart. One of my colleagues is quite an old movie aficionado so she had many questions about the great films of back when. Hank and I finally were able to connect over Alfred Hitchcock movies so all and all an interesting lunch to be sure.

I wanted to do a little political crap as I had watched the first great debate this past Friday. It was a wee bit disappointing as I really would have preferred someone to stand out as a clear winner. It wasn't bad as I though each candidate came off well to their respective parties. But neither came off as particularly superior and naturally each side claimed that their candidate clearly won the debate. McCain came off fairly angry and impatient and started telling Barack shit like my dad does sometimes, "You're just too young, you don't understand" and blah blah blah. It's funny to note that it seems every week McCain adds a new slogan to his phony platform and it's always something similar to what Barack's campaign has said already. For example, McCain's campaign (upon the addition of Palin) magically became the campaign of CHANGE! Which, if you recall, was the entire theme of the DNC just a month ago. At the debate, McCain often told Barack that Barack "just doesn't get it" which is something Barack has been saying about McCain for months already too. I have an inside source that tells me that next week the McCain campaign's slogan will be, "I know you are but what am I?!"

It's a little unsettling to watch this wildly entertaining campaign and realize that seeing just how bad we can get it with the past 8 years that this election (according to most polls I see) is still close. I do believe that we are seeing a statistical manifestation of that hard-to-pin-down, not clearly exampled, nuanced, passive-aggressive racism that we white folk have gotten so god damn good at lately. Is that all this election is and will be about? of course not, but I can say from experience and my own gut feeling that it certainly is playing a role. One that is not easily definable or visible in a specific instance...It is just there. Why else would McCain appoint Palin to the VP spot if not because she gives the folks on the right who would like to feel and appear progressive but maybe don't feel ultimately comfortable voting for a black guy a way out; "I am voting for a woman to be in the White House instead!" Perhaps they thought they would draw in all those disgruntled Hillary voters simply by having a vagina owner on the ticket? Which is hilarious all by itself. In fact, there is so much hilarious-ness when it comes to Palin that I don't even know where to start...Although, I am also (as is the "media") tiring of her, her name, her whiny voice, hearing anything about her. Or perhaps better said, that Palin balloon has now popped so lets get back into some sort of "real" debate. Too bad it takes a nearly collapsing economy to drive them back on task.

All the same, somewhere out there is my beloved, imaginary, typical red-state, American Value, Life-long Republican, voter standing on his front porch, over looking his ranch property. It's sunset and he's wearing his white cowboy hat with his left hand looped into one of his belt loops and his right absently fingering his brand new Smith & Wesson Model 60 (which can only be removed when pried from his cold, dead hands). He spits, smiles and then winks at his 'Merican flag hanging near by and thinks to himself, "Country First." He thinks about how we need to close them damn borders and kill all the drug runners, we gotta win in Iraq and get Iran in line without ever talking to them so we can get all our oil out from under them aaa-rabs. He also wonders when the guv-ern-ment will stop taking all his money and giving it to poor minorities who are lazy, good for nothing, reefer smoking, not working, food stamp users all the damn time on his dime. Small government, deregulation, no taxes and lots of dead brown people is what he wants. Then he thinks about Sarah Palin shooting that assault rifle in that nice T-shirt...Mmmm, yeahboy...Those big titties swinging all around (to the right). Perhaps later he will stroll into the pasture and shoot him a rabbit and then rub one out, thinking about his new favorite Alaskan. Mmmm, maybe he'll lube up with his gun oil...

Ah yes. I shall stop there as I clearly have thought too much about this. Point being, I am really looking forward to the big VP debate tonight. Not the world's biggest Biden fan but I sure hope he aids in her intellectual depantsing. Also worth noting in unrelated news; This week has seen the Cubs begin the playoffs, the Sox make and begin the playoffs and the Bears miracled their ass over the Eagles. All against, at least, my expectations and is helping make Chicago seem a little extra special this fall!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Pop-Cultural Round up (or a Lazy Post)

Having converted to football fandom a few years back now I must say that I am stoked as hell to have the footballs back! Madden, Sunday games and best of all...Tis fall! I do believe that this is my favorite time of year. When the weather is perfect, TV is entertaining again; alive this particular year with a good year for Chicago sports, and ridiculous election season, and TV shows that are not reruns. I hope the Sox make it, I think the Cubs will make it and the Bears seem to be playing better than anyone expected (though that bubble could burst as it's only week 2 as of this writing) so you've got that. I also haven't given much bloggy time towards much in the realm of pop culture so let's do a little empty-headed, summer round up shall we?

Best Summer Blockbuster: Hands down, The Dark Knight. I liked this movie so damn much that I am now afraid to go see other movies because I already know whatever it is wont be as good as TDK was. What a perfect film, well paced, well performed, well directed and how 'bout that Joker?! Holy fuck! Ledger's Joker made Nicholson's look like Romero's. Actually, none of the big tent poles this summer were too bad which is why I felt it was a pretty great summer movie season. I liked the Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk and even HellBoy II...Hell, I even enjoyed The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! Though I should point out that my expectations were so low, like Jar-Jar Binks cameo low, that the mere fact that it was serviceable and despite some stupid shit (CG monkies from Jumanji, Interdimensional Aliens, surviving nukular weapons) it really played out alright and I never quite felt like strangling Shea The Bouf. So, a masterpiece I will never forget? Nope. Not a stinking turd that makes my ass itchy with redness so therefore...it's alright.

Best Shit I saw on DVD: Finally saw The Flight of the Concords and as most people would expect; LOVED IT! Bought the soundtrack! Enjoy 'Uckin with my Shi! Also of the ass kicking, laugh out loud variety...Weeds. I cannot get enough of this show though I must confess I have obsession issues with Mary-Louise Parker...Why can she not love me as I her? WHY!?!?! The 3rd season was pretty awesome/hilarious and if you have not indulged and are seeking another cable TV show to get into via the netflix DO IT!

My favorite movies to get via the netflix are the documentaries...There never seems to be a short supply of fucking awesome docs...This summer I saw several I LOVED and heartily recommend: Darkon, The Business of Being Born, War Made Easy, Everything's Cool, A/K/A Tommy Chong, What Would Jesus Buy and The Lost Boys The Tribe (yes, I actually saw it...Don't ask...I don't understand it myself). Additional honorable mentions go to Smart People and The Bank Job...Statham fucking rocks. Darkon is good for those who may have loved The King of Kong last year and is just about as sad/funny as you can get...I nearly busted a gut but again I am a sick, evil fuck though I wager if you read this stoopid blog then you will likely like that movie. Everything's Cool made me a bit depressed but is well worth the watch and similar things can be said about War Made Easy. I strongly urge any parent or parent-to-be to check out the somewhat controversial Business of Being Born as it brought up many questions and inspired much discussion, occasionally heated as it covered stuff I never would ever have thought about (or need to really) but for some reason my curiosity brings me to things like this. What Would Jesus Buy? is also quite funny though it has it's moments that make you feel sad as well...Sad that we are all addicted to buying shit, and more shit, and more shit after that...This flick takes an interesting, performance art approach to addressing that issue. An issue which also bleeds into the credit debt nightmare many of us share with our little nation these days.

Best Summer Read: Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We do (And What it Says About Us) Is a fascinating exploration of driving and how our psychology fucks it up for ourselves and everyone around us. I knew I was a bit of a lead footed driver but now I have a whole new idea as to what kind of driver I am (and hopefully was). A lot of my traffic oriented assumptions turn out to be quite wrong and so will many of yours. If you come across this one and you happen to do a lot of driving then I say CHECK IT OUT!

Best Summer CD: Yeah, I still by CDs like a jerk but the BEST of this summer? Beck's Modern Guilt! Short, sweet and fucking AWESOME!!!!

And on that note I close this post suddenly as it is QUITTING TIME!

*Whistle blows, Tim busts office window, slides down neck of purple brontosaurus and foot pedals his Saturn the fuck outta here!*

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I like to network, I like to disco

Been a busy couple of days as my office has done some strategic moving this week. Since I have had this job my office had been part of a miniature cube farm stuck catacomb style in a basement of a dorm on my beautiful campus. Wasn't particularly bad as I don't mind a cube that has a bit of space but it was close quarters with the rest of my office. Essentially nine of us were crammed in various corners of our basement with no windows and no real ventilation. It made being on the phone difficult as it could get loud quickly and you had to get used to the notion that there was no such thing as a confidential conversation and so forth. As I mentioned, we are in the basement of a dorm and as it happens the campus Residence Life office was housed directly above. This year we opened a brand, spanking new dorm on the other end of campus complete with a new and improved residence life office. So off they went and up I went! My department now has a front door which is above ground and a bit more ideal for meeting with students and so on. So, I, for the first time, have my very own office AND it has a WINDOW. Now, I actually am somewhat indifferent towards windows, they are nice and the like but to the rest of the campus I may as well have been given a bar of gold. So, I shall not take it for granted *drops pants, presses ass on new window, loses job*

Anyhow, another fun aspect of my current gig is that I often have weird and different kinds of events both on and off campus where sometimes speak, sometimes, sit a table and look pretty, sometimes just direct people to and fro and today had one of the weirder of my many weird events...I was a chamber of commerce networking luncheon. I go to a couple of these sorts of things each fall and every time they can be slightly different as they are always trying different things to get more and different businesses, consultants, entrepreneurs together to hob-knob, compare notes, try and manipulate each other, and generally just get to know who and what else is around the area. Each town and village has it's own chambers and then their are larger regional chambers that the smaller ones are part of and all of them are loaded up with all kinds of members and organizations. Although they tend to be largely small business owners and consultant types. To say it was boring would be incorrect but I can also say that they are not exactly thrilling either as really they are just kind of bizarre in a low key sort of way.

Today's event was the absolutely most unique one I have been to yet as instead of the usual lunch, guest speaker, awkward, "forced-smile" conversations this particular chamber group (one of the larger regional ones) went for a speed dating approach. They had four rows of chairs lined up and people were assigned to a row and seat and you had a minute to tell the other person across from you what you do, company does, etc. and then you move to the next person. We were there largely to act as a sort of community reach out from our college and to hopefully suck in a few people who might want their MBA and so on. So I had to pitch my entire list of programs and services in basically 30 seconds then they got to tell me about their shit. Their shit included, various financial advisers, credit union types, finance consultants, a eco-friendly paper shredding organization, a pest control service (Rentokil!), a party room director from a Schaumburg restaurant, a company Human Resources provider, a personal health insurance consultant, a small business developer, and a dude from New York Life. It was intense, annoying and at the end I felt like i had just finished screaming at a concert THEN it was time for the luncheon part of the networking luncheon...

We then were assigned tables carefully choreographed so that you wouldn't be sitting with any of the people you just shouted your job description to in the speed-dating line and here's where the magic happened. I enjoyed my fine lunch with two small marketing's company reps, a printer, someone who sells payment systems, a mortgage sales person, a security consultant/sales guy and my favorite...A Disaster consultant! That guy was a McCain voter, had the gut, belt buckle and cell in a gun holster to prove it...And he really wanted to scare the crap out of all of us. Naturally, as we began to dig into our catering we each took a few minutes to tell each other what we do for a living and when it was his turn it was 9/11 time! He talked about floods in Iowa, train derailments in Wisconsin, poisoned cattle, failed computer networks, and even mentioned that next week he was going for some training for dealing with "active shooters." So, he gave us this whole talk about how every company needs a disaster plan and they need him to think ahead for them. Not that he isn't correct, he is absolutely correct about those things, it was just the way he communicated it was classic, "THEY'RE COMIN STRAIGHT FOR US!" reactionary, fear-mongery and just plain awesome. It also helped that the security guy was next to him so he was able to piggy-back his security talk along with him and by the end I was ready to create a secure disaster plan that is infallible!

It also lead directly into an "Oh, 9/11 is tomorrow" conversation which is another good conversation to have with strangers let me tell you! You have to wade in carefully so as not to cross into political waters which is SO FUCKING HARD to do, especially for me. The disaster guy was quite serious about it and lost good friends in the towers so you really had to be careful and after he said that I decided it would be best if I simply nodded and didn't say anything. The mortgage sales guy was quite an experienced networker so he then tried to take the 9/11 talk to, "Boy, I remember exactly where I was that day; do you all remember where you were then?" which is a good way to try and get every one talking though I almost said no just to see what they would do. I didn't and everyone at the table then nodded vigorously and started to tell where they were all at once. Quickly it became a case of each trying to top the other with how their parents almost visited the towers that day, or their sister's ex-husband's dog was there up to the guy who was friends with firefighters who died in the towers. My favorite was one of the marketing people who chimed in with, "Oh, I remember that day really well! Wasn't it early in the morning?" To which I really wanted to say, "No, that was the third Iraqistanian war in 2004!" Marketing people RULE! Hell, small business people RULE!

So, naturally after the desserts I promptly jumped up on the table itself and condescended personally to each and every person there, took a dump and flew out of the room through the ceiling propelled by natural gas.

Uh, I didn't have a funny ending so I thought I would make one up.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Some non-political crap

Thanks for stopping by!

This effort to "get bloggin again" is also part of an effort of my own mentally scaling down online. I have shit and little sites everywhere and I am hunting them down and deleting when necessary, and in one case, I am posting a link to another blog abandoned a few years ago. I called it the Local Boob and at that time I was trying to play political blogger not unlike the past several posts here. Obviously, I still care about that shit BUT I just don't have the stomach to keep at it all the time; say like a certain Guither guy I know. All the same, I need to vent sometimes and my narcissitic, me-first, personality jives well with blogging and social networks and all that other hooey that keeps people in touch online and estranged in real life.

I do love me the interwebs as it has much use but there are peculiar downsides I have noticed more and more and we rapidly move further and deeper into our computer machines and further away from actual human interaction. One obvious one is the negativity. Ever call a complete stranger on the street a "dicknosed cumsucker" to their face because the way they looked or perhaps expressed an opinion with a T-shirt? Hard to do in life as you really don't have time and do want to be courteous and polite and so forth...But online? Gloves are off baby! Hell their ain't even gloves in the first place there are just text, code and typing so it is way easy to call someone's lovely grandmother a "near-dead, stinking cunt" because she happend to comment on a baseball article with an opinion different than yours. Funny how that goes, eh? You see online these are not other people, we don't psychologically respond that way, we see icons, avatars or simply text denoting "someone or something" and thus it becomes patently simple to not just disagree with someone but to also go on and mention that they should have their intestines forcably removed and raped while stabbing out their eyes with a blender. It's not unlike road rage only with more creativity and thought applied to random attacks. We don't generally see other people driving around in traffic, just other cars...THINGS...So that is partially why it's so easy to yell invective in the confines of our own automobile where no one else can hear. Sometimes this can be HILARIOUS! Sometimes you can barely notice and sometimes, I at least, feel bad.

In this big, polite, PC, Diversity is good, world we all float around in you simply are not allowed, or allow yourself, to let the drawers down and let the turds fly...Online, however, you can tell Sister Theresa to go fuck a rusty train spike and die from tetanus-aids while bleeding from the holy rectum without a moment's pause! Gotta LOVE IT!

The other thing that has developed over the years, particularly with white people, are the same kind of retarded, unspoken, social stigmas that come up with any thing else in the realm of pop culture. "This" is cool and "that" is dumb and therefore there are various kinds of judgements one can make if you happen to prefer, like, or are unaware of "that." A fantastic example is how people "feel" about Facebook versus MySpace. MySpace, starting around aught four or five, became the internet place to go. Friends, bands, lovers, narcissitism it was wonderful but soon, not unlike how "dating people you met on the internet" used to be "uncool," so too went MySpace. If you are "in" now you are on Facebook! Which happens to be the same in almost every way but the organization and color scheme but it is SAFER! There's less spam and therefore it is not nearly as "whorish" as that shitty, dirty, spam ridden, slutty, MySpace...BLECH!

Nevermind that the internet is actually computer code that tells your computer what to show you in the form of text, photos and colors and really is actually not anything at all. Yet, should you use your computer to manipulate code on MySpace Or Craig's List (in R&R anyhow) or a place that has...dare I mention...Pornography...Then you are a lesser person. You are scummy, dirty, blah blah blah. Now, really, I am just stating an obvious notion that has also applied to what kind of movies you watch or like, TV, Books etc. It is simply culture and personally it doesn't really matter. I think I just find it amusing at how much stock we all put in the proverbial shadows on the wall. People are funny like that! For that matter I'M just as guilty (as it were) as anyone else is...I just wanted to riff on that notion a while. Share yo thoughts!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Good 'n Evil, faith and spare change...

Welp. that's a wrap on that good ole RNC! And never, not even John McCain's speech, was there any mention of anything specific that he intends to do. A few sort of vague promises to lower taxes and stop sending money to countries that don't like us and maybe he'll fire some crappy teachers. Outside of that I heard a couple of echoes from the Obama campaign (energy stuff, CHANGE) and a few more insults. Idiots. Sad truth is they still could win. People, especially salt of the earth rich republicans (and the clowns who share their values) like all that us vs. them, good vs. evil. It's down home, straght talk that leads to more money for me and away from stupid community organizers and the rest of you lazy, liberal, America-hating, layabouts. Get out there and teach some one to read, DAMMIT! Enlist! Marry a member of the opposite sex and breed so you can better condescend to those idiot liberals and out-of-the-closet gays who don't have kids and don't spend all their money on gas and Disney and...and...and...WE GOTTA STOP THE EVIL!?!?

Despite the literal truth that all of the world exists in some every changing shade of gray...THERE'S GOOD AND THERE'S EVIL!?!? The GOOD (faithful, family, who want all that money they make while working for "you") are thusly ENTITLED to all they deserve. We are entitled to drill the fuck out of the few parts of the region we haven't destroyed and implanted a Wal-Mart into because that's OUR OIL! We are entitled to drive SUVs, own guns, consume endlessly, and magic away all of our waste with increased nuclear power, clean coal and all the rest of that shit Obama talked about last week.

This is why I maintain these people are living in a cartoon. A fictional "'Merican" fantasy land where everyone thinks and acts like us and feels just like all those awesome movies Ronald Reagan used to make. We're all Americans and despite our vast diversity and economic disparity wanton lust for waste we all DESERVE to be rich, have no government interference and let the invisible hand of the free market make everything better. Because clearly the consumer rules and all those massive corporations will respond. Just like they did in the 1970's when it became painfully obvious to some that we might be completely fucking the entire human habitat...BLAH BLAH BLAH...FAMILY VALUES! Palin is HAWT! And they are good, common folk not rich elitist like the media and Mr. Aloof Obama! Hell, they are so awesome it's almost as if it wasn't the very same party and people that were leading the country the last eight years. In fact, those guys (apparent liberal, big spenders who have become just like "them") made a few changes already! Fourth ammendment? CHANGED! America doesn't torture? CHANGED! Invade another country against every supposed American historic principle? CHANGED!

So go ahead, let's vote in McCain and see what happens! Maybe by then he will share with us how he will change everything and fix the environment, economy, create jobs and lower taxes all while continuing wars and bringing down the deficit. I buy it! In fact, maybe he can use the community colleges to help retrain the American workers to get jobs that won't go away! Because apparently Community Colleges haven't been doing that all along at all. And hell, if we just gave everyone an associate's degree everyone will get a good job...At Wal-Mart and Starbucks!!!

Yes, Barack had plenty of empty shit in his speech too but it sure wasn't more of the same ole, same ole...I heard nothing in these past 3 nights but the usual, entilted, flag waving, cowboy hat waving, "liberal" hating, fear mongering horse shit they always say. No real understanding of what the real Americans (the non-rich kind) or of what our supposed enemies think or are, nor do they understand that a country cannot win an occupation. Not saying the Dems have all those answers either but why in the fuck would anyone consider letting the Republicans keep at it. Ridiculous.